Squirrels Trade Kozen, Aquire Kozen

Screaming Squirrels vs. Hockey Donkeys, Jan 9, 2016.
Geoff and Alex.

In a surprise move, the Screaming Squirrels traded Geoff Kozen to Minnesota, replacing him with his older, better brother, Alex Kozen. Alex played his first game as a Squirrel, making a splash in his first game (literally).

Geoff played eight games for the Squirrels, scoring 5 goals, which is the same goals-per-game pace Alex Ovechkin has in the NHL. The Squirrels wish Geoff the best of luck in Minneapolis.

Squirrels Trade Tessar to Rangers

Tess and his wife, Megan.
Tess and his wife, Megan.

Mark Tessar played his final game for the Screaming Squirrels Friday, and will now ship off to New York where he will join his favorite team, the Rangers. In return, the Squirrels received nothing.

Since 2010, Tess played 150 games with the Squirrels, plus another 22 in the playoffs, for both ice and roller. This includes nine ice seasons. He scored 159 goals and had 103 assists, not including multiple shootout goals. He won one roller championship and was a member of three ice championships. He led the roller team in three of his five seasons, and led the league in 2011.

Now, he will move to New York with his wife, Megan, where he will work and play hockey for some other team on the downside of his athletic career. The Squirrels sent off Tess with a ticker-tape parade, including balloons and confetti, plus shots of Yuengling and punches to the gut.

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Player Stats
Year Team (Div) GP G A PTS PP SH PIM
2014/2015 Squirrels   Bronze 1 13 13 5 18 1 0 6
2014 Squirrels   InWeek Brz 14 14 11 25 0 0 14
2014 Squirrels   Bronze 2 A 13 15 12 27 3 0 2
2013/2014 Squirrels   Bronze 2 12 15 11 26 1 1 0
2013 Squirrels   Silver 4 8 9 4 13 2 0 6
2013 Squirrels   InWeek Brz 12 14 7 21 2 1 8
2012/2013 Squirrels   Bronze 1 13 10 8 18 1 0 16
2012 Squirrels   InWeek Brz 11 18 6 24 1 1 6
2012 Squirrels   Bronze 2 7 4 4 8 1 0 8
2011/12 Squirrels   Bronze 2 8 2 3 5 0 0 0
2011 Squirrels   InWeek Brz 10 17 18 35 1 1 2
2011 Squirrels   Bronze 2 8 4 0 4 0 0 2
2010/2011 Squirrels   Bronze 2 10 6 2 8 0 0 10
2010 Squirrels   InWeekBron 11 18 12 30 0 0 8
TOTALS: 150 159 103 262 13 4 88
PLAYOFFS
2014 Squirrels   InWeek Brz 2 1 1 2 0 0 0
2014 Squirrels   Bronze 2 3 2 2 4 0 0 6
2013 Squirrels   Silver 4 1 0 1 1 0 0 0
2013 Squirrels   InWeek Brz 2 3 3 6 0 0 0
2012/13 Squirrels   Bronze 1 2 3 1 4 0 0 0
2012 Squirrels   InWeek Brz 2 5 1 6 1 0 0
2012 Squirrels   Bronze 2 2 0 0 0 0 0 0
2012 Squirrels   Bronze 2 3 1 3 4 0 0 2
2011 Squirrels   InWeek Brz 3 4 0 4 1 1 2
2010/2011 Squirrels   Bronze 2 1 0 1 1 0 0 0
2010 Squirrels   InWeekBron 1 2 0 2 0 0 0
TOTALS: 22 21 13 34 2 1 10

Squirrels Trade Gassert to Chicago

In a move that surprised no one, the Screaming Squirrels traded ice and roller defender to Chicago for future considerations. Gassert has only been with the team for a little more than a year, but it seemed like 10. In his first season, he helped the Squirrels win the 2009-10 ice championship. He then skated on the roller team, before rejoining the ice team for the first half of this season. Aside from playing defense, Gassert’s main role with the team was to ask who is bringing the beer.

Roller Squirrel Mark Tessar will replace Gassert on the roster. Also, Gassert’s brother, Wes Gassert, is expected to join the roller team, and eventually the ice team. Gassert will be joining former Squirrel Mike Bronson in the windy city, where they are expected to be bunking together.

In completely unrelated news, Scurvy traded Alicia Krawitz and a broken Alex Ovechkin hockey stick to Chicago for future considerations.

Gassert Stats

Year (Div) GP G A PTS PP SH PIM
2010/2011 Ice 8 2 1 3 1 0 8
2010 Inline 14 12 12 24 4 0 15
2009/2010 Ice 20 5 5 10 3 0 12